- Why don't pirates bathe before walking the plank? They'll just wash up on shore later.
- What did the pirate say when asked if he was an octogenarian? Aye matey
- Why do chicken coops have 2 doors? If they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans!
- No matter how nice your kids are, German children will always be kinder.
- Why does it take a pirate so long to recite the alphabet? They can spend years at 'c'
- According to Sigmund Freud, what comes between fear and sex? fünf
- Two kittens are on a sloped roof, which one slides off first? The one with the lower mu
- Two whales walk into a bar. The first whale says to the second AAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOUGHGHHAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEOOOOOEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAEEEE The second whale says "Let's go home, Steve, You're drunk."
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent.
- What's a pirate's favorite letter? Arrrr!
- What's a pirate's favorite element? ...Gold.
- What should you do if you see a blue elephant? Cheer it up!
- Why do museums display old dinosaur bones? They can't afford new ones!
- Do you know how long dinosaurs lived? Pretty much the same way short ones did.
- What is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer? ....Comet.
- Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.
- What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
- Do you know what happened when a ship carrying red paint crashed into a ship carrying blue paint? Hundreds of sailors were marooned.
- Why is Cinderella so bad at sports? Her coach is a pumpkin.
- Alternatively: she can't get to the ball
- Why was the basketball court wet? The players kept dribbling all over it!
- A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says "Uh, sir, are you aware you've got the wheel of a ship sticking out of your pants?" "Aye," says the pirate. "It's driving me nuts!"
The Counterfeiters
Two counterfeiters were admiring the latest bills. One turned to the other and said "You fool! You printed a $25 bill! No one will accept this!"
"Not so!" Said his partner. "There's a shake stand down by the beach, the guy who runs it will accept ANYTHING! Try it yourself. Go down there and make change for this bill, you won't be disappointed!"
The counterfeiter went down to the beach and returned a few minutes later. "Well, the good news is you were right. He took the bill. The bad news is he gave me back three $7s and $4!"
