Empathy

The most important tenant of NVC is remembering that we have empathy for others. Hear what they are saying, and resonate with your feelings, especially those of compassion.

Observing without judgment

One of the most powerful skills is being able to observe reality without judgment.

Instead of saying "Bob is a bad soccer player", say "Bob has missed 5 of the last 6 goals he attempted." There is no room for argument here, these are facts.

• Words like "should", "ought to", or "must" are hurtful
• Words like "often" and "always" are imprecise and can come off as judgmental

See also Categorization#Value statements vs observations

Communicating needs

All humans have a set of needs.

I feel X when you Y

Make sure that X is a feeling ("betrayed" is not a feeling. "sad" is).

I feel hurt when you talk to Alice and Bob without talking to me.

Showing you care

Ask people what's alive in them.
It doesn't have to be good things. What is bringing you emotion? What is on your mind.

Compliments

When you compliment or thank someone, tell them what need of yours was met by what they did.

Needs

Needs come in 7 categories, each with specifc sub-needs:

• Connection
  • Acceptance
  • Affection
  • Appreciation
  • Belonging
  • Cooperation
  • Communication
  • Closeness
  • Community
  • Companionship
  • Consideration
  • Consistency
  • Empathy
  • Inclusion
  • Intimiacy
  • Love
  • Mutuality
  • Nurturing
  • Respect and Self-Respect
  • Security
  • Stability
  • Support
  • To know and be known
  • To see and be seen
  • To understand and be understood
  • Trust
  • Warmth
• Physical Well-Being
  • Air
  • Food
  • Movement / Exercise
  • Rest and Sleep
  • Safety
  • Shelter
  • Touch
  • Water
• Honesty
  • Authenticity
  • Integrity
  • Presence
• Play
  • Joy
  • Humor
• Peace
  • Beauty
  • Communion
  • Ease
  • Equality
  • Harmony
  • Inspiration
  • ORder
• Autonomy
  • Choice
  • Freedom
  • Independence
  • Spontaneity
• Meaning
  • Awareness
  • Celebration of life
  • Challenge
  • Clarity
  • Competence
  • Consciousness
  • Contribution
  • Creativity
  • Discovery
  • Efficacy
  • Effectiveness
  • Growth
  • Hope
  • Learning
  • Mourning
  • Participation
  • Purpose
  • Self-Expression
  • Stimulation
  • To matter
  • Understanding